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It is Time to Make Yourself Matter Mindfully

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The definition of love is an enduring enigma. It has been pondered by some of the most famous minds since writing itself originated. In today’s societies it is deliberated by reality shows like Love Island, Love Is Blind, and my favourite First Dates. Decades ago it was dissected by love movies like Love Actually. The best definition of love for me may be found in older love songs like those of The Beatles. Poignant pieces stand the test of time. What is clear is that everyone has a varied perspective on it. A definition of love has certainly been pondered through the ages. If only we had access to a love dictionary uniform for all it would make matters much easier. However, each of us will have our own alternative love language. How do you define love? Please share your opinion in the comments below.


Whatever your definition of love is, one thing seems apparent. In order to convey love to its fullest and most deserved extent, you will benefit from first looking in the mirror and saying “I love you” to yourself. You will radiate the essence of love to those around you. This will attract them to you. It will make them want to love you more. To know love, you need to practice self-love. Sure, you may be able to love someone else, but will you radiate it, can you actually commit to it, and express it fully if you are not able to love yourself first? What are your thoughts on this? Please comment below.


During this article, I will explore the concept of self-love. I will consider how it is defined. How you can cultivate more of it in yourself. Finally, I will consider the remarkable effects that loving yourself can have on your life.


Are There Different Types of Self-love?

Are there different types of self-love or is it a whole concept in itself? The general consensus is that it is a whole concept in itself. However, it is made up of different components. According to Mutlwasekwa (2019), “Self-love comprises four aspects, self-awareness, self-worth, self-esteem, and self-care.”


I have emphasised the value of self-awareness in my previous articles you can read in my blog Blog | Chloe Mepham BSc Life Coach. Developing self-awareness can be a risky road if you are not prepared for an honest reflection of yourself. However, there is support available from mindfulness coaches like myself who can guide you through this. To love yourself entirely you will need to be totally honest about who you actually are. Once you begin developing your self-awareness, you can make changes if you want to. Or simply embrace loving yourself as you are. Every one of us deserves love, especially from ourselves.


Each of you is worthy of love. Every person is worthy of respect, compassion, and success. Your worth is not dictated by aspects such as wealth, aesthetics, or achievements. Simply by being yourself, you are worthy. If you do not believe this, picture yourself as a baby. Immerse yourself in the image. Captivate yourself in your curious, conscious eyes. Would you tell this baby that they are not worthy? I believe all babies have potential.


Unfortunately, in modern society, there is a significant weight placed on aspects such as wealth, status, and aesthetics. Especially on social media. This can have a detrimental impact on the way a person views their self-worth. This can then become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Once you believe you are not worthy, you will not act as though you are worthy. Whatever worthy means to you. This will reinforce that you think you are not worthy. You will not achieve what you consider worthy because you don’t believe you can. In these instances, it is likely you will not even attempt to for fear of failure. Your perception of your self-worth is a product of your environment and who and what you have been and are exposed to. Your definition of self-worth will be a societal construct that you have been programmed to believe. This can be in the form of family influences, friendships, teachers, role models, the media, including social media, and even bullies or trolls.


Your self-worth is your fundamental belief about yourself and your worth. It will not change unless you address it yourself. Support is available to help you navigate this challenging process of addressing limiting beliefs from therapists or life coaches like myself. However, your self-esteem can fluctuate due to external circumstances. You may have a balanced sense of self-worth but have a bad day and feel badly as a result. We will all have a bad day from time to time. Building your resilience can lessen the impact of this on your self-esteem. I have discussed techniques for building resilience in a previous article Resilience and Reflection (


I have also discussed the importance of self-care in 6 Self-Care Ideas to Create a Self-Care Plan That Works For a Healthier and Happier You ( How you care for your holistic well-being is vital to loving yourself. It will also build your resilience to support your self-esteem. If you do not believe you are worthy you will likely not care for yourself. However, once you start to practice self-care, this can be a boost to your self-esteem. Self-care can elevate you, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. All these are intertwined, so when you care for your physical health it will impact your mental and emotional health also. Self-care is an outstanding way to boost your self-image and self-esteem.


The Meaning of Self-Love

Self-love means to love yourself wholly, unconditionally, and without judgment. Self-love means that you believe in yourself. You believe in your capabilities. You are capable of so many things. You believe in your potential. Remember that image of yourself as a baby and all the potential you possessed. You are that same baby, just in a different time with more experience.


Experience can be both positive and negative. You can learn to walk, talk, and educate yourself with a wide variety of knowledge. All this knowledge is accessible to you. Everyone will learn at a different pace. Everyone will be predisposed to developing certain skill sets with more or less ease. However, every one of you can educate yourself in whatever you choose to learn.


On the flip side, you can also learn negative habits. I believe the worst is to not appreciate and love yourself for the wonderfully individual, complex, and purposeful person that you are. While we all have strengths, so too do we have weaknesses. It makes us human. When you are self-aware of your strengths and your weaknesses you will become more powerful. You will be more knowledgeable about yourself. You will know your limitations. You will be able to accept where, when, and how you can achieve your potential. This all depends on who you are and why. You are a product of your experiences. Your experiences do not make you unworthy or worthy. What will make you feel more worthy is your behaviour. How you act. Whatever worthy means to you. In order to behave the way you deem more worthy, you need to believe, think, and feel worthy.


The Power of Self-love Quotes and Affirmations

One way to embrace self-love is to focus on the way that you think about yourself. Your thoughts will ingrain your mindset into you. Repetitive activities can affect changes in your brain. This retraining of the brain has been termed neuroplasticity. Significant research into neuroplasticity reveals promising results. It can be promoted in various ways including meditation, education, and exposure to new experiences. Stepping outside your comfort zone is a powerful way to promote confidence.


In the same way negative thoughts and comments can form your beliefs about yourself, so can positive thoughts and comments. Repetition of affirming phrases also known as affirmations can be powerful. It can reprogram your neural pathways or how your brain relays sensory information. Neural pathways can default from prolonged negative thinking and enduring beliefs about yourself. You can re-route this neural transmission to a more positive path. Combining affirmations with mindful meditation is even more powerful. When you embrace a relaxed state you will be more receptive to this information. You are worth affirming!


Each one of you will have different predispositions toward different learning styles. Meditation and affirmation may not be appropriate for everyone. Do not let that stop you from embracing the power of changing your beliefs about yourself. There are many routes you can take to improve your self-image. Also, if you find that meditation is not appropriate for you, be compassionate with yourself. Do not view it as a failure. A failure is simply an opportunity to learn. You will be learning about yourself. You will be developing self-awareness. That in itself is progress toward self-love. Experiment with different activities you find rewarding. Most importantly, appreciate your effort, and dedication. Enjoy making discoveries about yourself. You are worth getting to know. Acknowledge your efforts.


Do You Say “I Love You” to Yourself Enough?

When I write do you say “I love you” to yourself enough? I don’t intend for you to necessarily verbally express it aloud. However, if that works for you, it will be powerful. Some people benefit from affirming themselves in the mirror every morning. We are all different and will have different approaches and tolerances for different activities. The most important aspect of this process is believing it. Have you ever asked yourself this question? “Do I love me?”


I am talking about pure, unconditional, and powerful love. Once you can love yourself wholly, you will be elevating your power exponentially. Who better to have on your side than yourself? You determine what you think. You determine and manage how you feel. You determine how you behave. All of this will determine your future. Of course, the environmental factors that we are enveloped with daily will have an influence and sometimes interfere with our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. However, ultimately at the end of the day, you are in control of yourself. If you do not believe that you are, there is support available to support you to support yourself. Therapists and coaches are just a click away these days. You will benefit from being the master of your own mind and future.


Love Yourself Without Walls

As previously stated when you embrace self-love you are embracing unconditional self-love. You cannot attach conditions to when, where, why, or how you will love yourself. To embrace self-love you need to love yourself entirely at all times, in all places, and in every available way. If you subconsciously place conditions on your self-worth such as you will only be worthy if you get that job, are liked by that other person, or are allowed access to a certain group you will be setting yourself up for failure. You cannot control other people or circumstances. You do have control of yourself and how you respond.


What I am referencing here is the expectations that you place on yourself. You will have been exposed to expectations both realistic and unrealistic throughout the course of your life. For example, teachers can expect certain grades, parents can expect certain behaviours, and friends can expect certain loyalties. I am not discounting that these may be beneficial and achievable but we will have learned to expect certain things. Therefore, you will have become accustomed to placing expectations upon yourself. You might think you deserve to get that job. Only someone else was more qualified or had more experience. It does not detract from your worth of getting a great job. You might think the other person you want to like you is more worthy than you. You are worthy in your own right. No one person is superior in worth.


When you place such expectations on yourself you are setting yourself up for potential disappointment. It is beneficial and positive to set goals and aim high. It is also advantageous to be realistic and compassionate with yourself if things don’t go to plan.


Self-compassion can be taxing. You need it at the moment you least feel like providing it. Just remember you are worth it. It is an awesome tool for building resilience. Resilience will only make you stronger for future opportunities. Try to exercise the same compassion to yourself as you would to someone else you love.


To Love Yourself is to Love Yourself with Flaws

Everyone has strengths and everyone has weaknesses. This does not mean you cannot develop your strengths. It also does not mean you cannot turn your weakness into something you are capable of. It may even become a strength depending on you and the commitment you put into developing it.


It first requires developing your self-awareness. Once you are aware of your capabilities and your limitations, you can decide what you want to develop and what you want to invest in. It is you. You are in control of yourself.


However, it is an uncomfortable process at best to recognise your limitations. If not handled with delicacy it can derail your journey to unconditional self-love. When you acknowledge a limitation you may have, focus on your mindset. Instead of thinking about yourself and your capabilities negatively, think about the opportunities this knowledge provides you with. You are developing self-awareness. You are now in control of what you do with this information. You can learn a new skill. You can change direction. You can focus on your strengths and what opportunities these will provide you with.


All skills can be learned. They are also a combination of different skills. You may possess a skill or characteristic that will support you in developing what you want to work on. I worked with someone who apologised to me and told me they were not a great communicator. However, they were communicating that to me then and there. That took courage, self-awareness, and communication. Also, they were seeking support for developing communication skills. This demonstrates that when people identify a limitation they may then exaggerate how limited they are in their own mind. Where there is willpower, there will be a way.



So, do you embrace self-love wholly and unconditionally? Do you want to embrace your potential, power, and future? What has become of that baby you pictured at the beginning? What will become of that baby? Who are they today? Who will they become tomorrow?


When you are ready to embrace your full potential you can book a free Mindset Meeting with me via my website or send me a DM. Alternatively, visit my blog at for more content like this.


While I still offer limited coaching services online, my primary focus at the moment is on developing my love of writing. If you want support creating compelling content, in line with SEO best practices to communicate with your audience, message me directly or fill out a contact form on my website for a free Mindset Meeting. Whatever action you take away from this article, let it be to acknowledge, appreciate, and love yourself more today than you did before.



Ackerman, C. A. MA. (July 25, 2018) What Is Neuroplasticity? A Psychologist Explains [+14 Tools] Positive Psychology What Is Neuroplasticity? A Psychologist Explains [+14 Tools] (

Hanscom, D. MD. (January 30, 2020) Affirmations and Neuroplasticity Psychology Today Affirmations and Neuroplasticity | Psychology Today

Mutlwasekwa, S-L, (November 12, 2019) Self-Love Psychology Today Self-Love | Psychology Today

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