Table of Contents
Introduction
Love is a concept that many have pondered over time. Many have tried to define and capture its essence. It is an emotion or rather a complex compilation of different emotions at different times. Reminiscent of a compilation of love songs. It can make you laugh. It can make you cry. Love will make you vulnerable. It can make you feel all sorts of wonderful emotions. It can even make you behave in all sorts of weird ways. Love is a curious wonder indeed.
There are many popular shows on television claiming to break down this mysterious and magnificent concept. Love Island and Love is Blind gauge tremendous popularity among their audiences. Love songs and love films always attract attention. Whether that attention is critical or endorsing will depend on the content. A firm favourite of mine is Love Actually. I feel like this film truly encapsulates various types of love and its varied effects from familial love to romantic love, and the many variations in between.
How do you define love? Do you have a specific notion of what it involves? Have you ever been in love? Are you in love now? What signifies that you are in love? How do you express your love?
Throughout this article, I will explore the theories of love languages and how these can support you in expressing your love. How you can communicate to your nearest and dearest how much they mean to you. What impression you will leave on those that you adore. Will it be warm? Will it be clear? How do you convey such sentiment?
The Evolution of Love Languages
Love languages were introduced in the 90s by an author and pastor called Gary Chapman. He used his knowledge from working with couples to produce his theory. From there, love languages became a fundamental component of a universal love dictionary whispered by the masses.
He segmented how you communicate with those you love into different languages. It explained how different people give and receive love in different ways. This understanding became revolutionary for people in relationships everywhere. Not just in romantic relationships but familial and platonic relationships too. Throughout this article, I will focus on romantic relationships. I hope you can extract the parallels.
The pastor’s theory explained that love could be communicated in five different ways including through gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical intimacy, and spending quality time together. It became apparent that everyone has their own love language. So, how you traditionally express your love and how you desire to receive love could differ from how your partner prefers to receive your love.
This spoke to so many couples that it has become a part of the modern lexicon. For example, when one person places more emphasis on spending quality time together and the other places more emphasis on physical intimacy there will be overlaps in how both express and receive love. However, their definition will be different. Their focus will be different. Little intricacies that can matter more than you realise.
Understanding these differences and communicating your love per your partner’s love language has helped many couples interact more effectively. It helps them to maintain longevity in their relationships through communicating what they may have otherwise overlooked. This longevity arises from honest communication, compassion, and understanding of both partner’s needs.
We all have needs. Only once you can understand the needs of yourself and others can you adoringly appreciate and embrace them. Acknowledging, accepting, and embracing the needs of others is a sign of true compassion.
As time progressed the pastor’s theory came under scrutiny. One of the main reasons for this was that his theory was based on his experience working with heterosexual couples. This led many to believe according to Sherri Gordon that they “perpetuated heteronormativity” and could lead to frustration within the LBTQIA+ community.
Other critiques include that love languages could be misused and result in a sense of competition. Not a form of communication, understanding, and expression. The nature of love requires honesty, compassion, and empathy. Embracing these principles will lead you to a more loving relationship.
Love languages won’t fix every single relationship issue. They are a fantastic starting point for opening up a dialogue about expressing your needs and wants. Sherri Gordon also points out that it could lead to putting pressure on partners. The perception of this pressure may also differ between partners. What one partner perceives as pressure the other may not. Love does not pressurise or prioritise. It is an expression of mutual understanding and collaboration. When someone feels pressured to express their love, how will that impact their motivation and inspiration to express their love? Honesty, empathy, and compassion can alleviate pressure. They can unlock your heart to love.
According to Truity’s CEO Molly Owens, Chapman’s theory has evolved to encompass seven love languages including activity, appreciation, emotional, financial, intellectual, physical, and practical support. These ways of exchanging affection are thought to take into account more of the complexities involved in modern relationships.
What are these Different Kinds of Love?
Activity as a love language references making the effort to share your partner’s interests and hobbies. This can elevate unity between partners by sharing common goals, interests, and time. It will provide commonalities that you can share and expand upon conjointly. This can strengthen your bond through supporting each other on your shared journey together.
Appreciation references offering motivational and inspirational messages to your partner. It is all about appreciating their efforts and accomplishments. These messages whether verbal or otherwise can increase harmony by expressing how you value their contributions. It will make the other partner feel as though you value them and their efforts. Expressing appreciation is beneficial for all involved. It will not only make your partner feel valued but provide you with a mood elevator as well. This can be a highly valuable shared experience.
Expressing emotional support as a love language is about reinforcing your partner’s resilience. This can be with reassuring words and actions during emotionally challenging times. Offering emotional support can strengthen bonds by demonstrating your love, care, and belief in your partner’s abilities. Adversity can often make bonds even stronger. Growing together is a magnificent quality.
Financial support references using your hard-earned wages to demonstrate how much you value your partner. It can involve investing in your shared interests. It is less about the amount of funds you invest into the language. It is more about demonstrating how much you value your partner with the effort you have put into earning the funds and then sharing it. The focus is more on quality than quantity. This sentiment benefits from demonstrating how well you know your partner, their preferences, and interests. Make it meaningful.
Intellectual intimacy references a meeting of the minds. It is about sharing values, beliefs, and goals. It will involve deep discussions about what matters to you both. This can also relate to the shared activities language. When you share commonalities such as interests and goals you can appreciate and discuss them more deeply. Embracing deep discussions about common interests or future goals can reinforce the strength of your bond. Speaking about your shared future can support you in visualising your harmonious union persisting through the years.
The physical love language references a consensual sharing of physical affection. This can include gestures such as hand-holding, embracing, and kissing. Demonstrating your affection in this way can strengthen bonds and release endorphins. You can reinforce your sentiment of love with physical affection. Often this can overlap with emotional support also. Embracing your partner as a sign of emotional support can provide reassurance and solidarity in times of adversity.
Finally, practical support can include a variety of different activities. It could involve support with completing domestic chores that you know the other partner dislikes or struggles with. It could also include support with other activities such as budgeting or organising. It will be anything practical that you can do to support the other person. This demonstration of understanding, effort, and willingness will speak volumes to many. Sometimes, when you take the time to make your partner’s life easier or their day better the gesture in itself is sufficient.
Evidently, everyone in a relationship will appreciate all these love languages. Some more so at different times. All in varying degrees. It is all about opening up a dialogue about what is most important to your partner and when.
You and your partner’s love languages may well evolve as well. It is important to keep the lines of communication open. It is also imperative to communicate with active listening, empathy, and compassion. Everyone has different needs at different times. When you don’t talk about what you need and want, no one else will ever know. It all begins with communication.
Reveal Your Love Language With Self-Reflection
So how do you discover what your personal love language is? After all, you cannot communicate what you don’t know yourself. Reflecting on yourself, whether in a relationship or not is the most important love language to identify first. To love wholly and as a partner deserves, you will benefit from first embracing self-love.
There are many ways you can reflect on what it is that you need and want. It is about how you desire to receive love. Loving yourself in your own love language first will be beneficial. Journaling, meditating, and simply thinking about what your needs are can be quite revealing.
What dominates your spare time? Do you sometimes find there are just not enough hours in the day for all the activities you enjoy? Do you enjoy appreciating yourself with positive affirmations? They can empower you and improve positive thinking. How resilient are you in times of adversity? Would you benefit from additional emotional support? There are always professionals you can turn to if you need to. How often do you treat yourself to gifts? How often do you observe deep documentaries to satisfy your intellectual appetite? What emphasis do you place on education and personal development? Are you a hugger? What importance do you place on physical affection? Are you a person with many gadgets to provide you with practical support? What do your answers communicate to your deep inner self? Trust your intuition.
Asking yourself such questions can be quite revealing. Keep a journal of what you enjoy doing and how much. Treat yourself to what it is that makes you happy. You are worth it, after all. Everyone is.
The Importance of Authenticity
Once you know and can understand yourself and what drives you, you will be able to authentically share the wonderfully unique individual that you are. When you love yourself flaws and all, you will radiate love. Love will find you.
It is vital throughout your relationship journey to maintain this authenticity that you have cultivated for yourself. You will grow and evolve together with your chosen other. You will cultivate shared interests, passions, and goals. This will strengthen your bond for the future. However, it is important to check in with yourself as well. You will still need to stimulate your individual traits and characteristics that they fell in love with to begin with.
Nurturing independence and collaboration as a combination can prove to be a challenge for many. Remember that embracing love for others does not require you to lose love for yourself. A true lover will understand this and want this for you. It will be in both your best interests.
Conclusion
As a final thought on expressing love, affection, or simply just compassion for your fellow human. The world needs these wondrous advantages. It breathes love in nature, art, and poetry. It receives love in acts of kindness, compassion, and growth. All it takes is some honesty, empathy, and communication to discover what you can contribute to circulate love.
Whether it is a familial, romantic, or platonic relationship the world needs a bit of you. You are individual and wonderful with so much to offer. Remember this.
While I still offer limited life coaching services I am focusing on content creation.
If you like or even love what you sense here, please message me directly on my website chloemephambsc.com to request a free Mindset Meeting, where our minds can meet and we can discuss your content requirements.
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References
Beech, G. (December 29, 2022) What Are the 7 Love Languages and What Do They Mean? Utopia What Are the 7 Love Languages and What Do They Mean? - Utopia
Gordon, S. (February 5, 2024) What Are The Five Love Languages? VeryWellMind The 5 Love Languages: How to Receive and Express Love (verywellmind.com)
Murphy, D. MA and Schweitz, S. PsyD (July 22, 2024) The New 7 Love Languages Explained WikiHow What Are the 7 Love Languages? Plus, How to Discover Yours (wikihow.com)
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